The mindfulness skills that are at the core of the dialectical behavior therapy approach are actually linked directly to a much larger and more ancient tradition of meditation. In that larger tradition is a significant body of experience and wisdom related to developing and practicing mindfulness. This experience and wisdom has much to offer anyone interested in mindfulness, whether they seek improved psychological or physical health, personal enrichment, or even spiritual growth.
This chapter invites you to explore mindfulness further by trying some additional practices adapted from the ancient tradition of meditation and now appearing in many clinical settings that teach mindfulness-based approaches for a variety of health-related conditions.
The intention and hope is that you will develop an even deeper appreciation for the power of mindfulness to support you, promote your happiness, and lead you increasingly to rest in wise mind.
Marsha Linehan, who developed dialectical behavior therapy, has noted this larger context for mindfulness in commenting that the mindfulness skills central to dialectical behavior therapy are “psychological and behavioral versions of meditation practices from Eastern spiritual training.” Linehan goes on to say that in developing dialectical behavior therapy, “I have drawn most heavily from the practice of Zen, but the skills are compatible with most Western contemplative and Eastern meditation practices” (Linehan, 1993b, p. 63).
In the past twenty-five years or so, many health care professionals have become interested in mindfulness and its applications in treating a wide variety of health-related conditions ranging from stress to chronic pain to anxiety and depression to cancer. In bringing mindfulness forward in Western health care settings, the ancient teachings and wisdom of various contemplative and meditative traditions have provided much valuable insight.
Although many (like Linehan) have drawn upon these older traditions for guidance, the actual practices used for purposes of health and healing do not require adherence to any specific faith or religious beliefs, nor do they carry any specific cultural requirements. The practice of mindfulness is truly something for all human beings. The practices you will find in this chapter also apply equally to any interested person.
First, you will learn about the role of “heartful” qualities of kindness and compassion and how they are actually embedded attitudes in any activity of mindfulness.
Next, you will learn how mindfulness can deepen, breath by breath in the present moment, by attention to and the support of the dimensions of spaciousness and stillness.
Kindness, compassion, spaciousness, and stillness—this chapter invites you to bring attention more consciously to these qualities and discover their power to support and deepen your practice of mindfulness.
Enhancing Your Mindfulness Skills Using Kindness and Compassion
In dialectical behavior therapy, a core “how” skill is being nonjudgmental. In mindfulness-based stress reduction, a mindfulness approach to stress reduction developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn and others, nonjudging is the first of seven attitudes considered to be the foundation of mindfulness practice. The others are patience, beginner’s mind, trust, non-striving, acceptance, and letting go (Kabat-Zinn, 1990, p. 33).
Yet you may have noticed that it is not always so easy to be nonjudging. In fact, the habits of judging and criticizing are deeply ingrained in nearly everyone, for a wide variety of reasons.
Because of this deep-habit energy of judging, meditation teachers have long taught the importance of building a foundation for mindfulness upon attitudes of kindness and compassion.
For example, the well-respected meditation teacher Christina Feldman has observed that “attention, awareness, understanding, and compassion form the basic skeleton of all systems of meditation.” She goes on to say, “Compassion is a fundamental principle of meditation. Meditation is not a narcissistic, self-interested path. It provides the foundation for love, integrity, compassion, respect and sensitivity” (Feldman, 1998, p. 2).
In recent years, health psychologists have begun to look more deeply at “positive” emotions and attitudes and their role in promoting health. The rich tradition of positive mental health inquiry builds on the work of psychologists Gordon Allport and Abraham Maslow in the 1960s and continues strongly today. It is motivated in large part by an interest in developing an expanded vision of human capacity and potential. Of particular interest on this theme is that expanded human potential has been one of the primary goals of meditation training since ancient times.
Contemporary health psychologists and researchers Shauna L. Shapiro and Gary E. R. Schwartz have written about the positive aspects of meditation. They point out that mindfulness is about how one pays attention. In addition to the seven attitudinal qualities identified by Kabat-Zinn, Shapiro and Schwartz suggest that an additional five qualities be incorporated to address the affective (or “heart”) dimension of mindfulness. The five “heart” qualities they name are: gratitude, gentleness, generosity, empathy, and lovingkindness (Shapiro & Schwartz, 2000, pp. 253–273).
Lovingkindness deserves special mention. It has been popularized by the meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg (1995; 1997; 2005). As health-care professionals learn more about lovingkindness, this form of meditation is gaining popularity in a variety of health-care settings as a meditation practice that supports mindfulness and also carries healing potential of its own.
Lovingkindness is variously described as deep friendliness and welcoming or as a quality embodying compassion and cherishing, filled with forgiveness and unconditional love. It is a deep human capacity, always present, at least potentially. It can be seen when one observes a mother tenderly caring for her child.
Lovingkindness can be a powerful aid to your mindfulness practice. All you need to do is to admit and allow feelings of kindness and compassion into your way of paying attention mindfully. Resting in kindness this way, with compassion and affection embedded in your attention, can protect you from the deep habits of judging and criticism and support you in the “how” dialectical behavior therapy skill of being truly nonjudgmental.
Exercise: Meditation Practice for the Lovingkindness of Yourself and Others
The following is a brief meditation practice to cultivate lovingkindness for yourself and for others. Practice it whenever and for as long as you like. Try it as a “lead-in” to any of your formal mindfulness practices.
Instructions
Take a comfortable position. Bring your focus mindfully to your breath or body for a few breaths. Open and soften as much as feels safe to you as you allow yourself to connect with your natural inner feelings of kindness and compassion for others.
Now shift your attention to yourself. It could be a sense of your whole self or some part that needs care and attention, such as a physical injury or the site of an illness or a feeling of emotional pain.
Imagine speaking gently and quietly to yourself, as a mother speaks to her frightened or injured child. Use a phrase like “May I be safe and protected” or “May I be happy” or “May I be healthy and well” or “May I live with ease” or make up one of your own. Let the phrase you pick be something anyone would want (safety, ease, joy, and so on). Pick one that works for you. It can be a single phrase. Then put all your heart into it each time you speak to yourself. Let kindness and compassion come through you.
Practice by repeating your phrase to yourself silently as if singing a lullaby to a baby. Practice for as long as you like. It may help to practice for just a few minutes at a time at first and later build up to a longer practice.
When you like, you can shift your attention and focus to a friend or someone you know who is troubled. You can also focus on groups of people, such as “all my friends” or “all my brothers and sisters.”
When you wish, you can experiment with difficult people in your life. Try sending them kindness and your wish that they might be happy, and watch your inner response. In doing loving-kindness for a difficult person, you are notallowing them to abuse or hurt you but are making an attempt to see that they, too, are human beings who seek happiness. This can change your relationship to the situation and release you from resentment you may be holding.
Please note that in doing lovingkindness meditation, you are likely to experience many different feelings! Some may even be disturbing, such as sadness, grief, or anger. If this happens, you have not made a mistake. It is common for deeply held feelings to be released as one practices lovingkindness. This release is actually a kind of healing in itself. Just pay attention to all of your feelings, honoring each one, and continue your practice.
Attention to Spaciousness and Stillness Deepens Mindfulness
The core dialectical behavior therapy skill of mindfulness includes the “what” skill of observing and the “how” skill of nonjudging. But old habits of attention can often make it difficult to observe fully or to really be nonjudging. When it seems especially difficult to be mindful, observe closely, or be nonjudging, you simply may not be relaxing enough or resting in your wholeness. Instead, you are very likely overly identified with some active and present smaller part or parts of yourself.
Meditation teachers often use the metaphor of an ocean when illustrating your wholeness compared to identification with a smaller part of yourself (your thoughts and judgments or your feelings of anger or fear, for example). In this metaphor, it is noted that the waves and the ocean are not separate. Although the waves are varied and can be intense and dramatic, they still are made of water and are part of the greater ocean, even down to the deepest depths. It is said that your wholeness (sometimes called big mind or some similar term) is like the ocean, while the parts (feelings, thoughts, stories in your mind) are like the waves—constantly rising and falling, appearing and disappearing, while their essence, the ocean, is always present.
The tendency to identify with the wave and to lose your feeling of connection with the larger ocean of who you are is very strong. Practicing mindfulness, learning to recognize the reasoning mind and the emotional mind when they arise, can offer freedom from rigid identification with your smaller parts, as you have discovered.
And by shifting your focus at times, on purpose, to experiences often not noticed or taken for granted, you can become much more flexible in your attention, more mindful, and more able to break the habitual identification with old habits of thinking and feeling.
Choosing space and stillness (or silence) as your objects of mindfulness can be a very potent practice for gaining this flexibility and freedom from the habits of identifying with the “waves” of your mind (thoughts or feelings that are deep and intense).
Exercise: Meditation Practice for Mindfulness of Space, Inside and Outside of You
The following two meditation practices offer you a means to cultivate awareness of space (inner and outer) and of stillness and silence.
Try these practices with a sense of curiosity and playfulness. You don’t have to make anything special happen or become anyone or anything other than who you already are!
In fact, it is helpful to consider the possibility that you actually already have vast spaciousness and stillness available to you (like the vast ocean depths) and all that is required is to allow space and stillness to reenter your awareness. Let the spaciousness and stillness within you “come back in,” so to speak. There is no work you have to do—none whatsoever! Just bring kind attention to what is already here.
Instructions
Take a comfortable position. Collect attention by focusing mindfully on your breath sensations for a few breaths.
When you feel steady and focused, widen the focus to include all sounds, letting them come to you without adding or subtracting anything. Focus on the direct experience of sound without being caught in the name or story about any sound.
Practice mindfulness of breath sensations and sounds for a few more breaths.
Now bring your attention to the spaces between the breaths, there between in-breath and out-breath, and there, at the end of the out-breath before the next in-breath. Let your attention rest there, in the spaces between each breath. Come back to the space whenever your attention wanders.
When you notice that sounds draw your attention, first notice the sound, then notice the spaces between the sounds. Notice how one sound is louder, another softer, one closer, one farther, and how all have space between and around them. Notice how all the sounds exist within a larger container of space. Let your attention rest in the space that holds all the sounds, allowing them to come and go.
When you wish, open your eyes. Look around at what is before you. What do you see? Objects, of course, but do you see the space between the objects? Look more closely. See the space and the shape of the space between objects near and far. Can you see the vast space that holds all the objects you are viewing? Relax and look deeply.
Whenever you like, practice noticing space, either as a formal meditation practice (as suggested above with breath sensations, sounds, or viewed objects) or more informally, just paying attention in different situations as you go about your day.
You may even want to experiment with noticing the space that contains your thoughts and feelings. Can you relax, observe, and allow thoughts and feelings to arise, change, and leave the space of the present moment?
Exercise: Meditation Practice to Turn Toward Stillness and Silence
Instructions
Take a comfortable position. Establish and steady your attention in the present moment by focusing mindfully on your breath sensations for a few breaths.
When you notice that your attention moves to something else, thoughts or sounds for example, you don’t have to fight that and you don’t have to follow it. Just let the breath sensations return to your awareness, with patience and kindness.
As you practice mindfulness of your breath, you may begin to notice that a sense of inner stillness arises. It may appear only in brief flashes at first, but don’t be discouraged. Just let it come. Continue noticing any feelings of stillness you experience. Relax in them, and allow them to come to you. Initially, you may notice the stillness in your body as a feeling of calm and ease. Then, it will become easier to experience the stillness in your mind when your thoughts quiet down.
Sometimes the stillness appears more clearly as silence. When you notice any sense of silence, between sounds or between thoughts, for instance, let your attention rest there. Let it return there when it wanders.
Listen carefully to all sounds as they come and go. Don’t focus on any one sound, but instead focus on the silence and space between the sounds. As your attention steadies, notice how the sounds arise from silence and return to silence. Let your attention rest in the silence as you listen for the next sound.
Conclusion
In practicing mindfulness, you are joining a vast and ancient tradition, cultivated by countless human beings for thousands of years. Many teachers have pointed out that practicing mindfulness includes the attitudes of kindness and compassion in the way you pay attention. As you become more mindful, a growing sense of wholeness, including spaciousness and stillness, becomes brighter and can help transform your experience of living. This chapter invites you to draw upon some valuable teachings from the tradition of mindfulness meditation—by focusing on kindness and compassion and spaciousness and stillness—in order to discover more about your own amazing and powerful resources for healing and enriching your life.