Abundance versus Deprivation
Here’s the thing. Starting out, maintaining a Paleo Vegetarian diet will feel hard. I know when I first made the commitment to eat PV, I went through my pantry, refrigerator, and freezer and ruthlessly eliminated anything that didn’t fit with the Paleo diet. Out went the bulk bags of dried pinto and black beans! Out went the Bob’s Red Mill boxes of quinoa, amaranth, barley, and couscous! Out went $200 worth of soy-based meatballs, deli meat, veggie patties, and my beloved soy sausage crumbles. When the comeuppance was over and I had carried a bulging trash bag to the curb,10 I remember returning to my kitchen and staring into the recesses of my pantry, barren now except for some sweet potatoes and a can of black olives that had been nesting there for the better part of a year and thinking, “What am I going to eat?”
You’ve Been Here Before
Here’s the good news. As practicing vegetarians, most of us have been here before and come out on the other side. When you began your vegetarian journey, you likely experienced the sense of helplessness that accompanies making any decision to radically alter a diet. When you did the cupboard stripping that comes with committing to a vegetarian lifestyle and forced yourself to dispose of the cans of StarKist, the packets of bacon, the deli-wrapped hamburger meat, and the small, seemingly innocent packs of Jell-O (remember when you found out Jell-O wasn’t vegetarian? Mind. Blowing.), you too looked deep into the fridge and the depth of your soul and thought, “Holy crap! There is nothing here I can eat!”
And Yet You Thrived
You learned better. You discovered there was an endless variety of foods to eat as a vegetarian, and yes, I promise you, there is an endless variety of foods and meal combinations to be discovered as a Paleo Vegetarian. Assuming you ate reasonably healthy as a vegetarian, your kitchen cupboards aren’t going to look dramatically different as a Paleo Vegetarian. There will be an abundance of vegetables, particularly those of the big, leafy green variety. Beets, yams, sweet potatoes, squash, peppers, tomatoes, onions, eggplant, brussels sprouts, avocados, nuts… these will be the staples of your new diet.
My advice is to be patient. It took months before the vegetarian lifestyle began to resonate with me and cooking a batch of quinoa with leafy greens for a main meal felt natural and filling. It will be the same with Paleo Vegetarianism. At first, the meals may feel lacking or incomplete without grains as a foundation upon which you build your menu. Soon, however, forgoing grains will feel as natural and easy as skipping a steak or pork chop feels to you now.
The Mad Scientist
Choosing the foods with which you nourish your body becomes a combined act of science and love. I still remember the first day I looked at a doughnut and had no desire to eat it simply because I was mentally calculating the fat and sugar and damage it would do. Instead of thinking, “I wish…” I thought, “No way.” I literally wasn’t even tempted. That won’t always be the case, but as your mind changes around food and you start paying attention to what you eat and how your body responds to different foods and different food combinations, you may be surprised to find some of your hardcore temptations no longer hold sway over you. And that, my friends, is a fine day indeed.
Food Is Just Food
Getting into the right mindset often requires taking a step back and reviewing the bigger picture. What makes you happy? Do you have people who love you and who you show love in return? Do you have a job that—even if you don’t love it—affords you a place to live, a means of transportation, cable, a cell phone, and the ability to provide for your family? Does your dog think you’re the bomb? Does your cat at least tolerate you?
These are all powerful, wonderful things that 99 percent of the world would love to have and for which they would be more than willing to trade away their ideal weight. I don’t know you personally, but I’m guessing that if you have the time and inclination to read a book on Paleo Vegetarianism, things are going well for you in life. This doesn’t imply any level of being shallow. It simply means that there is, as Maslow pointed out, a hierarchy of needs humans follow. Most of us, and I certainly lump myself into this group, can become so focused on what we don’t have or what we want that we forget to take into account all the “ordinary” miracles that fill our day. Things like having enough money to put gas in our car or tucking our kids in at night or having a selection of fresh produce at our fingertips every time we go to the store.
Reminding yourself of everything that is going right in your life is actually an excellent diet strategy. Doing this demonstrates to you all the success you’ve already experienced in other aspects of your life and is a reminder that there’s no reason you can’t experience the same success in your eating and health habits as well.
Overcoming Roadblocks and Challenges
Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.
—Mahatma Gandhi
Think happy thoughts.
—Peter Pan
Too often, we judge ourselves solely on our actions. Did we eat the cookie or let it go? Did we stop eating when we were full or did we insist on cleaning our plate until we were stuffed? Did we drink enough water, get enough sleep, eat something green with every meal?
Actions, actions, actions. The actions we choose are the success or failure of our diets. But what drives us to pursue one course of action over another?
TIP #1: HOW YOU THINK ABOUT FOOD CAN HELP YOU EAT BETTER
When I was a freelance writer, I spent the better part of my days in local coffeehouses, writing. One day soon after I’d adopted the Paleo Vegetarian lifestyle, the apron-clad store owner of our local coffeehouse approached me. He waved a tray of fresh-from-the-oven, gooey, sugar-laden chocolate-chip cookies in front of my nose.
“Have one,” he said. “On the house.”
(Let me pause here to mention that I love chocolate-chip cookies. All kinds—homemade, out of the box, stale, Keebler-elf imprinted…they are all delicious to me.)
I took a deep breath, trying not to inhale heavenly cookie scent. “Thank you,” I said. “I appreciate it, but I’m going to have to pass. I’m trying not to eat grains.”
Good for me! Right? Well, sort of.
Can you spot the misstep? Read over what I said. See it now? The potential downfall of my diet is right there in the word “trying.”
When you tell others you’re “trying” not to eat grains or you’re “trying” to give up dairy or you’re “hoping” to convert to Paleo Vegetarianism, what you’re really doing is telling them—and yourself—that eating this way isn’t something you’ve fully committed to.
“Trying” implies wiggle room. “Trying” leaves the door open for “Maybe I’ll do better tomorrow.” Look at your choice to be a vegetarian. Generally speaking, you don’t “try” to not eat meat. You. Don’t. Eat. Meat. Period. It’s simply who you are.
So what should my response (and your response) to someone offering me (you) a cookie have been? Something more along the lines of, “Thank you, that’s generous of you to offer and I’m sorry to say no, but I don’t eat grains.”
When you say to others “I’m trying not to eat grains,” or “I’m trying to eat Paleo Vegetarian,” what you’re really doing is telling them—and yourself—that this is a path to which you have not yet fully committed.
It’s polite but definitive. It also shuts the door on discussion. With “I’m trying not to,” you leave yourself open to people encouraging you to splurge “just this one time.” And why not? You’ve just told them you’re only “trying,” so obviously there are times when you’re allowing yourself to fall off the no-grain wagon. However, notice the difference when you hear someone (like you!) state that they don’t eat grains, period. There’s nowhere for the discussion to go when your response to every “just this one time” encouragement is a firm, “Thank you, but I don’t eat grains.”
You do need to watch your thoughts as they become your words, and watch your words as they become your actions. However, it’s possible to reverse engineer this situation. Every time you state aloud that you don’t eat grains or that you follow a Paleo Vegetarian diet—even if you don’t yet fully trust yourself to do so—you’re further embedding that truth in your psyche. And sooner than you think, the true belief will take hold and passing up that cookie becomes not so much a battle of willpower as it’s simply who you are.
TIP #2: NOW THAT YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT FOOD IN A BETTER WAY, QUIT THINKING ABOUT IT SO MUCH
Do we ever stop obsessing about food? If I had a dime for every minute spent thinking, dreaming, worrying, obsessing, planning, or berating myself over my food choices, I’d be rich enough that I could move to my own private island far away from prying eyes and eat my fill of whatever food I want.
I don’t know many of us out there who don’t obsess about food, at least to some degree, and that includes people who say they have no interest in eating healthier. Start paying attention to how people talk about food and you’ll hear it. It’s the coworker sighing, “I really shouldn’t,” as she bites into a sugary cupcake brought in to celebrate the boss’s birthday. It’s in the hesitation of the woman perusing the dinner menu, debating ordering what she wantsversus what she thinks she should order. A focus on food is even found in the “I don’t care what I eat” braggart who returns to the table with a towering plate of fried food from the all-you-can-eat buffet and proudly declares, “This is living!” before digging in. It’s the people standing in line at Wendy’s and McDonald’s who let their gaze linger on the burgers and fries before ordering the grilled chicken salad (or not). It’s the health nut who obsessively tracks every morsel of healthy food that goes into his lean, sculpted body.
But what is all this obsession about food gaining us? As far as I can tell, it’s bringing most of us a lot of guilt. And guilt, for as much as we drag it around with us, is a useless emotion. Useless, but dangerous.
When we inflict dietary guilt on ourselves, we’re doing so in the belief and hope that “punishing” ourselves this way will lead to wiser choices the next go-round. In fact, choosing to experience guilt over a dietary lapse usually leads to more lapses. One study11 showed that when we feel guilty we literally feel heavier. The same study showed that guilt—and the feeling of weight that accompanies it—made exercising feel harder. Yikes! Exercising made harder? Who needs that?
Bottom line: While I’m not advocating a moral free-for-all, use common sense when it comes to your diet. You’re not going to make yourself healthier by feeling bad about yourself. So you ate a bagel. Let it go and move on.12
TIP #3: THINK THOUGHTS OF GRATITUDE
I’m not talking about food here. Think thoughts of gratitude about your life. Go as big picture or as granular as you like. Studies show that feelings of gratitude breed happiness and well-being. If you’re the writerly type, keep a journal. Write down three things each morning or each night for which you’re grateful. Maybe it’s the laugh of your child or the waking up to the hot, stinky breath of your dog (who is so happy that you’re finally awake!). If you don’t like to write, make a pact with your partner (or your dog) to say aloud each morning three things for which you’re grateful or that make you happy.
Since it’s the little details of life that tend to bog me down, I find my spirits lifted when I pull back and look at the big picture. Okay, so there are ants in my bathroom and my car is making a weird noise. My gratitude list this week included enjoying a coffee with a friend, completing a hard long run at my goal pace, seeing a cardinal outside my window, and getting a free perfume sample in the mail. I also like to remind myself that I have a job, food in my fridge, a healthy body and mind, and a life filled with friends, freedom, and way too much cat hair.
The goal here is to cultivate feelings of abundance in every area of your life. Feeling gratitude about life will make it easier to stick to your dietary goals.
TIP #4: BE KIND TO YOURSELF
How’s your internal dialogue? Would you talk to another person the way you talk to yourself? Most of us would dial it back a notch. You are your own worst critic, but with a little conscious effort, you can also be your biggest fan.
When I ran a job-search program at a women’s center for displaced homemakers, I was appalled at the self-criticism and negativity I heard coming from program participants. Several of the women were staying in dead-end jobs or relationships because they felt they had no choice. I asked one of the women who was in a dangerous relationship, what if it was her daughter in this relationship? Would she want her to stay?
“Of course not!” said the woman.
“Why?” I asked.
“Because she deserves better. I want her to be happy.”
“So why would you want any less for yourself?”
For some reason, many of us can see the potential in others but have a hard time seeing the same in ourselves. Start paying attention to how you talk to yourself, around both food and life in general. If you find yourself being overly critical, stop and ask if you would be so hard on someone else—your son, your daughter, your partner, a parent, a friend. Remind yourself you’re worthy of the same love and support you so willingly bestow upon others.
TIP #5: IT’S YOUR DIET—QUIT ANNOYING OTHERS WITH IT
I say this as a friend. Please, please, please shut up already about your food choices. As a woman who has come perilously close to alienating both friends and family with my enthusiastic (some might say “annoyingly obsessive”) embrace of healthy eating, I know that of which I speak. It’s natural to want to share your knowledge with others, especially when you see how PV eating starts to unlock the secrets of weight loss, sustained energy, glowing skin, and lack of sugar cravings. All I can say is, wait for people to come to you. No one wants to be told what they’re eating is terrible for them. (I’m embarrassed to admit that I used to be—and okay, sometimes still am—that girl who stands in the middle of the chip aisle at the grocery store and loudly proclaims, “I cannot believe people actually eat this crap!”) Besides, don’t you think they already know that the candy bar is bad for them?
Another reason not to proselytize is because people will come to you, wanting to know your secret, once they see you dropping weight and looking healthy and energized. If they do ask what your secret is, then that’s the time to share. Even then, a little information goes a long way. There’s no need to load them up with every detail of a PV diet.13 A Paleo and/or vegetarian diet is more than most people can get their minds around. Tie the two together and you’re in danger of short-circuiting someone’s brain. Have an elevator speech handy on what a PV diet, is but limit your spiel to one or two main points you think may help them, such as, “I found eliminating grains has really spurred my weight loss.”
Explaining Your Choice to Others (Because They’ll Ask!)
Whether you’re pescatarian, lacto-vegetarian, vegan, macrobiotic, or full-on Paleo, people are going to ask you about your food choices. And they’re not just going to ask, they’re going to judge. How many of us still deal with “You don’t eat meat? Well, that’s just stupid. You can’t be getting enough protein,” accompanied by the not-so-subtle dismissive sniff. (Thanks, Mom.)
We’ve all been through this particular drama before with our decision to be vegetarians. When the office brings in pizza for lunch and your coworkers loudly announce that one is a plain cheese for Dena because she doesn’t eat meat or when you show up for dinner at a friend’s house, casserole pot in hand because you didn’t want her to go to the extra trouble of cooking a special vegan dish just for you, these and other times are when the spotlight shines on you as people turn to you and say, “Tell me again why you don’t eat meat?”
Now add in the Paleo aspect of not eating grains, dairy, soy, or rice, and trust me, your friends and family are going to lose their freaking minds.
While there’s no law that says you have to explain your choice to others, most of us feel obligated to offer some sort of reply. A simple shrug and smile might be enough to end the conversation. Or you may feel the need to give an ethics lesson on animal cruelty and why your choice to not eat meat is based on moral standings. I think it was sometime around my third year as a vegetarian that I noticed I was no longer being asked to parties, evidence suggesting that the other guests munching on beef sliders and chicken wings didn’t appreciate my unprovoked tirades about the different ways chickens and cows are tortured so we could be the beneficiaries of cheap meat.
Just remember that you don’t have to defend yourself or your dietary choices. You can, but ask yourself what you’re hoping to gain before you enter an all-out war with someone over the evils of grains. Do you think by explaining your choices you’ll turn them on to your way of eating? It’s not likely to happen. Do you want to educate them? Most people will tune out a lecture.
Depending on whom I’m dealing with and what I know of them, I carry a few simple back-pocket strategies that I pull out as needed.
EXAMINE THE EXAMINER
For the person I don’t know well who starts a conversation with something along the lines of, “Oh God, you’re one of those crazy Paleo people,” I offer up something along the lines of, “Uh-oh, sounds like you’re not a fan. What part is it about the Paleo diet that you don’t agree with?” Chances are these people know nothing about Paleo. All they know is that it’s some new “diet craze.” And they’ll be forced to stand there in front of you and admit that they know very little about the intricacies of the diet. And this, friends, I won’t lie, is very, very satisfying to hear them admit.
TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DO EAT INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU DON’T
Here’s a little party trick I learned as a vegetarian that can also serve you well as a Paleo Vegetarian. I would ask the person standing before me, explaining to me how limited my diet is because I don’t eat meat, what he or she had for dinner last night. Most people cook fairly boring, so the answer was usually “spaghetti,” “burgers,” or “We ate out.”
“Okay,” I’d say. “Here’s what I had. Last night I sat down to a chilled eggplant and sun-dried tomato salad followed by a pumpkin squash soup, and a shiitake and bok choy sauté with roasted julienned vegetables entrée sprinkled with a sesame seed dressing. For dessert I had coffee with heavy whipping cream and dark chocolate–covered walnuts and berries.”
Now, the trick to this is to memorize a good meal and have it ready to go. You may know that last night you just noshed on almond butter and a banana, but they don’t know that and the point is you couldhave had that delicious meal and will on most nights. Shameless? Maybe. But the fact is everyone appreciates a good meal description (just ask the Food Network), and once people realize you’re not nibbling on nuts and berries you foraged yourself for every meal, they’re usually a little more willing to listen.
PULL OUT THE STATS
A little knowledge goes a long way. For people who are determined to get in your face about your diet—and if you decide you want to get in their face back—nothing is more powerful than having facts at hand. When I was a vegetarian, I used to quote from The China Study about cancer and mortality rates and how long meat stayed in a person’s digestive tract. For Paleo Vegetarian, the main question you’ll be asked is, “What’s wrong with bread?” Know your stuff and have an answer ready to go.
STEER AWAY FROM FEATURES AND TALK ABOUT BENEFITS
I work in marketing, and a golden rule is that you’re never selling a product, you’re selling the experience of how that product makes you feel. Take do-it-yourself, at-home hair-coloring kits, i.e., Ms. Clairol. They’re not selling darker roots. They’re selling looking younger and feeling confident and in control.
Similarly, when you talk about your diet and eating choices, don’t focus on features, like what you do and do not eat. Talk up the benefits. So a feature of a Paleo Vegetarian diet is that you don’t eat grains. Not much fun to talk about. But a benefit of the diet is that you have more energy, your skin looks great, and your stomach is flat because it’s no longer bloated from all the gluten.
Whether it’s warding off disease, having more energy, or simply feeling on top of and in control of your life both mentally and physically, talk up the PV benefits that mean the most to you. Most people will have a hard time arguing with these.
This isn’t to imply that eating PV means you’re about to be attacked 24/7. Recognize most questioning for what it is—people are curious as to what you’re doing and your reasons for doing it. Some of them, like family members (hi, Mom), will be worried you’re jumping on a fad diet and wrecking your health with those “weird diet ideas.” Understand that while they might not always phrase it exactly right, most people who care about you aren’t attacking—they simply want to make sure you’re doing what’s best for you and your health.
And don’t discount the fact that others will be asking what you’re doing because they’ve seen a difference in you and want a part of the magic elixir that brought you there. When you’re able to start someone else on a journey to health not by lecturing or cajoling but through being a living example of the results they want in their life, you’re going to feel very, very good about yourself and the choices you’ve made.
10Or delight a vegetarian friend or neighbor with your bounty of no-no foods for you. Your loss, their gain. (Probably literally. Oooh—shouldn’t have gone there.)
11http://www.plosone.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pone.0069546
12One more reason to let it go: orthorexia nervosa, the clinically defined obsession with healthy eating. Food should be only one aspect of a full, healthy life. If you find every moment of your life filled with thoughts of what you can eat, when can you eat it, and how “good or bad” it is for you, be aware you’re heading down a dangerous—and unhealthy—path of obsession.
13Unless you want to contribute to my retirement fund and buy them a copy of this book in which case, yes, by all means, load them up with info!